slow news week
After reporting pretty much nothing but the weather all week, today's papers are concentrating on the serious mens health issue of testicular cancer. All the quality papers (actually the sun and the Star) have on the cover pictures of David Beckham in his pants, er, "checking himself". While I appreciate the seriousness of this issue I think this kind of "celebrity 'nad fondling" is unessacary.
I much preffered the pictures inside of Britney Spears in full riding tackle.
While on the subject of the papers, the Star excelled themselves this week. last w/e what happened? not much of importance,no, just a few trivial things like the D-Day anniversary, 3 women shot at a BBQ, Ronald Reagan dying and on monday the Star's front page was a big pic of Jennifer Ellison in her skimpies and the lead story "I romped with big brother tranny Nadia"

A grand day out
Wifey, the boys and I went to Legoland (or Legoland-Windsor as Big'un calls it so as not to get confused with any other Legolands there might be)on wednesday and we had really good time. We've been a few times before and the only thing that made this visit different was that I bumped into an old friend, Andy Trufflefuffle.
I knew trufflefuffle from when I used to go Diving and we used to go out drinking in a group, the 3 amigos and the other one (trufflefuffle was the other one). The 3 amigos consisted of myself,the W and Adam. We met Trufflefuffle through diving as I said and I knew Adam because he was the W's brother in law. I had been best friends with the W all through school, and this post is really about him.
All through our friendship I had played second fiddle to the W, he was full of chat, good with ladies (for an ugly ginger git, he had some gorgeous girlfriends), and popular. I was always just his mate. Throughout school and our late teens / early 20's we just had a laugh constantly, had some serious binges and did some pretty stupid things.
He settled done with a lovely girl (Adam's wife's sister), moved out to Grays and got engaged, but when I met someone things started to change. The W didn't like my girl and she didn't like him. She didn't like the way he treated me and he didn't like being told that.
Over the years he had done some pretty horrible things to me but I just turned a blind eye or shrugged it off, examples :- he seemed to make it his goal to shag anyone I was interested in and he did this at least 3 times, he bought a motorcrosser and insisted I get my own as we would have much more fun with one each as soon as I bought mine he sold his and 'cos the bikes were kept in his yard I had to sell it and, one of his favourites would be to offer around smokes to people in the pub who he was talking to but when he got to me he would say "you can smoke your own".
I split up with the girl and was struggling to cope with a mortagage on my own all he did to help was critise me for not going out as much. When I did go out I used to ride on a 125 to Grays from Barking (15 miles approx)to meet him in his local pub were he had a new group of friends, only to have him take the piss and put me down in front of them. Needless to say I soon got pretty tired off this and stopped going. If went out with any different friends the W would always make sarcastic comments about it almost as if he was jealous.
After a couple of wilderness years I was back on my feet and I met Wifey, she didn't like the W either and he didn't like her.
The W was dumped by his fiancee as she found out he had been having affairs. Typically of him he blamed anyone and everyone for this as it couldn't be his fault despite the fact that everyone in their local new it was going on and she literally was the last to know.
He then set up with his bit on the side, who was as dim as a 20 watt bulb and had all the get up and go of a tree stump but she was blond with big tits.
I got married, he was my best man. I saw less and less of him.
One night we went out for a drink (me driving to him, of course) afterwards I had a big go at him for being such a wanker, he claimed he was sorry and he would try to be a better friend etc etc. When I got home I told wifey and I said " you know what, he is jealous, jealous of me, jealous of you, our life, everything" and I realised that underneath this facade of personality and all his boasting about money and brashness he was just a sad attention seeker.
When Big' un was born he and the dimbo turned up at the hospital, he looked at the baby, sniffed and then went and sat in the corner and read a mag. Wifey hasn't seen him since ( nearly 6 yrs) and I only saw him a couple of more times.
Last year he phoned me up out of the blue, he'd found out I'd moved and got my new number from somemwhere. He was very friendly and chatty but still all he was really interested in was telling me what cars he'd had, how he'd bought and sold a house and made X amount of money and blah blah blah me me me.
The very next night he phoned me again and said the dimbo's gone out did I fancy going for a beer?, what this said to me was, that he was desperate for friends. I made some excuse about washing my hair or poking my eyes out with hot needles and said that I'd stop off at his yard on my way home from work the following week.
Wifey asked " are you going to see him? " I thought about it, about how long we were mates, about how many good times we had, about how much I had put into the friendship compared with how much I had got out of it and said "no, he's a cunt"

Here I am just getting ready for the off, when I suddenly realise that I was supposed to "decommission" (read - unplug) 2 copiers after 6. While I'm doing it I can hear someone outside the little copier room moaning and saying fuck this and fuck that. About 1/2 the floor is being relocated over the w/e and he is 1 of about 6 people left milling about. He comes flying into the copier room in time to see me folding the cables up on top of the 2nd machine "christ can't I even make a fucking copy?" "no" I reply helpfully, he waves his paper about, "there are more copiers round the otherside" I add he waves his arms about some more and walks out I make my excuses and leave (read - sneak out while he's still flapping). As I leave the floor he's still pacing up and down,waving his paper and failing to grasp the fact that there is another copier less than 10 yards away.Twat.
Now one of the printroom droids has just walked through and said "Mick, two of the colour printers have gone down" "oh really" I respond as sincerely as I could while thinking " just fuck off I'm going home"
Now I find myself still here after 7, not because I just had a quick look at the printers (I fobbed him off by saying I'll look at them tommorrow - the overtime fairy is good to me) but because I want to finish this fucking post!

Been doing so much lately at work and at home. So a summary of the last month or so:

April 12th- started the chimney removal, lots of work, the F-I-L did most of it (well it was his idea, and it was he who was pushing to get it done, and he's not even 70 yet!) Much to my surprise the house hasn't fallen down (yet) the F-I-L was getting a bit pissed off with me asking anyone and everyone about how to do and not just accepting the fact that he had removed 3 chimney breasts before. Anyway the job spiraled out of all proportion and we ended up pulling a ceiling down and replacing it and having over £900 of plastering done.Had to take another week off work, lucky I could.

work, work, work

May 3rd- Little 'uns 2nd birthday, went to the London Aquarium. Overall a good day out but the Aquarium is crap and really expensive, £30 for the 4 of us. I really enjoy aquariums and the like but having been to quite a few, IMO this one sucks. The sealife centres you get at places like Brighton and Southend etc are much much better than this. Don't go there.

May 7th - 22 week scan, got a good look at the baby, all the tests, weights and measures etc came out OK so that's a relief.

May 11th - Wifey's birthday, didn't fuck up as usual.

work, work, work

May 16th - Didn't go to Snetterton race track with the BCH to watch some of the people from the bikers mail group doing a track day. Instead took Wifey and the Boys to Godstone farm. Phew! had a luck escape there managing to get out of boring chore of going to watch loads of like-minded people racing and throwing their own bikes up the track!

Becks ex's sex text
What a load of bollocks. This is going to be one of those self perpetuating stories that the press will keep going even thought there isn't any new information.
The girl involved, I shall call her "Rebecca Loos", apparently kept all these sex texts and also according to today's Daily star she may have video'd themselves doing the wild thing. The Daily star quotes such believable sources as "an ex-boyfriend" and, my favourite, "an insider". An insider? inside what? or who?, if you believe the papers Rebecca has had just about everyone insider.

"lets 'ave yers on the floor for the fightin' "
It kicked off a bit at work on Thursday. The BCH had a bit of a to do with one of the printroom droids which resulted in the BCH throwing a bottle of cleaning fluid at him and calling him "a Portuguese git" (which is factually correct on both counts).
Within 10 mins the guvnor was on the phone and the BCH was summoned over the office for a whipping.
I have to say it served him right and it was about time the BCH had some critisism as he does tend to use bullying tactics to get his way, especially if were having a "discussion"

My gloom has lifted somewhat and the feelings of giving up the bike have passed. I tend to think about his crash (I don't know any details) when I'm riding. I always ride defensively, even if I'm having a bit of a tear-up, which makes me slower than a lot of other riders through traffic but I don't consider my self to be invincible or car drivers to be telepathic so I ride accordingly.

I'm, like, free as a bird, man
I just heard on the radio that "english" tennis player Greg Drugheadski has been cleared of taking performance drugs. That's good, now he'll be able to concentrate on not winning wimbledon.

His funeral is on friday. I have been thinking a lot. I discussed it with stewsie in the printroom who rides the same route, he told me the the kidbrooke interchange, where the crash happened is "a chaotic nightmare". I dont fancy finding out for myself.
Last night on the telly I saw that graphic ad with the invisible cars where the biker doesn't know what hits him.While I appreciate that it is aimed at telling riders to ride defensively I think it is too much to show the actor on the floor with blood running down his face. Whenever this ad comes on wifey gives me a look and says "I'm saying nothing"

Joy and pain
I haven't blogged for over a month due to the fact I've been very busy at work and home and my life is dull.
But things change and it is with a mixture of great joy and deep sadness that I post today.
After many months of trying I am pleased to say that my beautiful wife is pregnant with our 3rd, she is 12 weeks, we had the scan on monday and everything checked out fine. "the baby" is due on 9th sept and I can't wait.
Now the difficult bit, at work in the site where I'm based I'm in a bikers mail group which has almost 50 members, only a few of which I actually know personally. One of these few had an accident on the way to work on tuesday and died. He was the only person in the group (apart from the BCH) that I knew very well and I feel quite upset by the news, he was a great bloke who was a real biking enthusiast, he worked in IT and was a great help to me when I was trying to decide which course to take.
At the moment I can't seem to shake the feeling that I should give up biking, I lost a very close friend a few years back in a bike crash but it didn't affect me in the same way. I cried my heart out at his funeral but not once did I consider giving up riding. Giving up the bike would make wifey very happy.
I am not going to make a kneejerk reaction on this, time to think is required.

Stupid ger-erl (der da der der)
An english student has been held (now on bail) in the States because when the airport baggage checkers where handling her rucksack she said "be careful I've got 3 bombs in there". The airport staff asked her to repeat what she had said, so said it again, twice, at which piont she was cuffed and stuffed.
Airport officials, not known for their sense of humour + Americans, known for their dislike of terrorists and the fact that everything is very serious + airports on heightened state of security + stupid student = a big news story and the whole country laughing at her stupidity.
I've said it before and I'll say it again the majority of students come from posh backgrounds and can have honours degree's falling from their arses but they haven't got a grain of common sense between them.
Depending on which paper or news channel you believe, this daft student could be jailed from anywhere between 6 months and 6 years. At least she won't have to worry about top up fees then.

A law unto themselves
On the way home on monday it was cold, dark and wet, myself and the SV were being sensible. Near home I was approaching a 90 deg bend which is fairly wide and can be taken quite fast (a knee down bend) but, is nonetheless blind. I lent the SV over a bit and rounded the bend only to be met with the site of a police car, lights and sirens blazing, hurtling towards me up the middle of the road, overtaking a line of traffic coming the opposite way (to me) I saw it in good time, braked and moved over. As I looked in my mirror I saw the police go flying round the bend, on the wrong side, still overtaking. If I had been less than 10 secs later they would have been wearing me on the bonnet as a mascot.
The police here have been repeatedly quoted as saying that the enormous growth in the number of speed cameras is for safety and not revenue generation as "speed is a factor" in most accidents. Well I'd say that driving on the wrong side of the road and overtaking round a blind bend could have been a factor in my death!.
The bend in question has an entrance to a yard or something right on the apex and this could be considered as run-off, if I had been later arriving it is possible that I could have avoided a head on with the police by swerving on to the run-off. This would have certainly caused me to crash and receive injury, as the run-off was wet, gritty, not that big and surrounded by banks and fencing. I wonder what chance I would have had in claiming compensation from the police? or whether the driver would have been done for dangerous driving?

I think I've got lazyitis
Last night the boys stayed at the M-I-L 's and me and wifey went out for a pizza and a drink, although the drink never happened as we couldn't be arsed. What a sorry state to be in, we get a rare night out and we can't be bothered to make the most of it.

I'm clueless
Last night at college Big Ron gave us a review test, I didn't do too bad in the CCNA class which I haven't actually been studying properly ( I do this class as it is before the infrastructure class to maximise my time at college), but I was piss poor on the network infrastructure test. I've been "doing" net inf for 14 months now and I still feel I've got no chance of passing the exam, which is apparently the hardest one of the MCSE exams. This lack of performance is entirely my own fault, for the last 6 months I've really slacked and apart from going to classes every thursday evening I've done bugger all studying.

New year resolution : take my studying a lot more seriously and work harder at it . No excuses.

As gay as a Hobbit
I went to see return of the king last night, and overall I thought it was excellent. A couple of things struck me though;
1: the last 20mins seemed a bit tacked on and I'm sure there were better scenes that could have been left in instead (the infamous Christopher Lee/Saruman scenes spring to mind).
2: how gay hobbits are. I'm not bothered by it and a hobbit has as much right as anyone to be gay, I've just never noticed it before. SPOILER ALERT At the end, the fellowship all gather around Frodo's bed and then Merry and Pippin jump on the bed and start having a bit of a ruff and tumble while Sam looks lovingly at Mr Frodo, and I think that Sam getting married is just denial when really he's bi-curious.
The battle scenes were fantastic (matrix take note) and I think it will do well at the oscars.
I have the Fellowship and Two Towers extended DVD's, the return of the king ext DVD is rumoured to be 5 hours! Cant' wait.

Not much going on, back at work this morning I assumed that everything would be back to normal so I arrived at 07:00 and no other bugger turned up 'till after 08:00 DOH!.
Carried out a small bit of template updating.

Christmas time, mistletoe and overeating
Another crimbo passes and this years highlights were: The Office Christmas specials, Big 'un after being utterly overwhelmed with presents saying "I'm still a little bit sad and upset that I didn't get everything on my list" (we pointed out that he did, but that didn't change his mind), Little'un being more interested in Big'uns He-man action figures than his own baby toys so much so that he has been taking them everywhere resulting in He-man already being missing in action (possibly in a pub/restaurant in Basildon), and the M-I-L trying once again to feed us all to death (she is Mrs Doyle from Father Ted).
Crimbo eve was spent at my parents (see Thu Aug 14, 08:08:06 AM for more details of my dysfunctional family) which was the normal cold buffet and boredom. My stepmum is in a wheelchair due to MS. This my seem a bit harsh but being in wheelchair and severely crippled does not automatically make her a nice person, she is very demanding and makes my dads already difficult life harder by getting at him all the time and criticising when he has to do everything for her. As we were eating the cold buffet she says "Michael pass me one of those mini-pastie things will you" I passed it over "mmnn these were lovely when they were hot" she says, which makes me think why the fuck are we having it all cold then?.

For god's sake just get a room
Last night wifey and I went out (a rare occurrence) to the cinema, while the world+dog were watching Lord of the rings we saw Love actually. Great. I was considering nipping out of the show saying I was going for a piss and then going into LOTR, but I think a 3 1/2 hour piss might raise some suspicion from wifey.
Love actually was good for a gentle, amusing, romantic comedy penned by Richard Curtis. Yet again Huge Grunt manages to play exactly the same character only this time were supposed to think he's the prime minister, wifey got seduced by Liam Neeson's lilting accent.
After we had taken our seats, loaded up with nachos and sprite, a couple sat in the next two seats and before the lights even went down they started snogging and they didn't stop for for the whole film, they snogged through the ad's, through the trailers and during the film he was even groping her tits!. We weren't sitting at the back we were actually the furthest forward people on our side. Wifey got the right arse with constantly hearing slurping noises and if the girl had moved her head suddenly wifey would have got his tongue in her ear!.

Big'un was in his school play today, he was a sheppard. Last year at nursery/preschool he was a sheppard, I'm a bit worried about him getting typecast!. But then again if Peter Jackson phoned and said they wanted him for a part as a sheppard in his remake of King Kong or the Hobbit I wouldn't say no.

Humility costs nothing
After winning the rugby world cup the England team were paraded around the West end of London on monday. I didn't go but there was lots of coverage in the media as you would expect. The players have found themselves flung from relative obscurity to national heroes overnight. The thing that struck me was how genuinely excited and honoured they were and the fact that they didn't expect all this interest and enthusiasm from the fans. What a difference from the overpaid prima donna's of english football who behave like thugs, throw tantrums when they get told off and treat the fans and the association with contempt (see post Sat Oct 11, 10:02 am).