Terror on two wheels
As a motorcyclist I enjoy certain priviliges on the road that car drivers don't. I can filter though traffic, I can usually find a route through when the road is blocked, I have the ability to always get to the front at traffic lights and then get away in front of any one else (unless they have a faster bike). All of these things I do on a daily basis. What I don't do is go through red lights, ride on the pavement or wear Lycra. Cyclists do all of these things on a daily basis. The Nobhead who nearly ran me over this morning did all of these things at once.
While I was waiting at a pelican crossing Nobhead was approaching quite quickly, the lights changed and the green man appeared to tempt me out into the danger zone known as "the road". Nobhead didn't slow down, he just carried on coming towards me, relentless, like Arnold in The Terminator. I looked again at the green man to make sure, he appeared to beckon me saying "just step off the pavement, it's quite safe, the red light is on". In hindsight the green man was correct, as this lycra clad lunatic then did something quite unexpected. It was clear to me that Nobhead wasn't going to respect the highway code and was not going to stop at the red light, so there was no way I was going step out in front of him, Nobhead clearly thought I was stupid enough to do this and decided to go up the ramp onto the pavement right where I was standing.
As I jumped forward out of his way I had a horrible vision of him crashing into me and me becoming entangled in his lycra shorts and being taken to the london hospital to be surgically removed;
Doctor: "Nurse what's the situation with this patient?"
Nurse: "pedestrian trapped inside a cyclists lycra shorts"
Doctor: "What?, that's the third one this week!"
As he rode away I thought I would point put the error of his ways so I called his name "NOBHEAD" I shouted, but he didn't respond. He probably couldn't speak as he was being "strangled" by his own shorts.
Lycra, just say no.