Same shit, different day. Sometimes I get some different shit on the same day.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Terror on two wheels
As a motorcyclist I enjoy certain priviliges on the road that car drivers don't. I can filter though traffic, I can usually find a route through when the road is blocked, I have the ability to always get to the front at traffic lights and then get away in front of any one else (unless they have a faster bike). All of these things I do on a daily basis. What I don't do is go through red lights, ride on the pavement or wear Lycra. Cyclists do all of these things on a daily basis. The Nobhead who nearly ran me over this morning did all of these things at once.
While I was waiting at a pelican crossing Nobhead was approaching quite quickly, the lights changed and the green man appeared to tempt me out into the danger zone known as "the road". Nobhead didn't slow down, he just carried on coming towards me, relentless, like Arnold in The Terminator. I looked again at the green man to make sure, he appeared to beckon me saying "just step off the pavement, it's quite safe, the red light is on". In hindsight the green man was correct, as this lycra clad lunatic then did something quite unexpected. It was clear to me that Nobhead wasn't going to respect the highway code and was not going to stop at the red light, so there was no way I was going step out in front of him, Nobhead clearly thought I was stupid enough to do this and decided to go up the ramp onto the pavement right where I was standing.
As I jumped forward out of his way I had a horrible vision of him crashing into me and me becoming entangled in his lycra shorts and being taken to the london hospital to be surgically removed;
Doctor: "Nurse what's the situation with this patient?"
Nurse: "pedestrian trapped inside a cyclists lycra shorts"
Doctor: "What?, that's the third one this week!"

As he rode away I thought I would point put the error of his ways so I called his name "NOBHEAD" I shouted, but he didn't respond. He probably couldn't speak as he was being "strangled" by his own shorts.
Lycra, just say no.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

sick Puppy: Episode II Return of the Sick.
When I got in on wednesday the new bloke was already here, so I gave a big cheer as I entered the printroom, he responded with a series of coughs and said "don't cheer too loudly (cough) I don't know how long (cough) I'll be here.
Oh fucking great.
He made it through to 3 o'clock before flaking out and pissing off. LaLa, the apprentice, was still here although he spent most of the day comparing mobiles with the fax engineer who is also based in the printroom.
Thursday, LaLa had gone back from whenst he came and the sickmeister was back to full strength but he still only made it to 3:30 so he has now been christened Buzz Lightweight as he bears an uncanny likeness to the space ranger from star command and saviour of the galaxy.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Sick Puppy
I have not had any time off sick for about 3yrs, Cap'n Bob hasn't had more than about 2 days sick in 6yrs, the BCH hadn't been sick for at least 3yrs. Eight months ago the BCH moves on and in comes the new bloke, he is currently on his 3rd bout of sickness, he has been off for a week now. I AM NOT HAPPY.
I am trying to escape this hectic life of copier repair, to get off the tools and into I.T. I would like to still work for the same company but as a network support analyst, to help me do this I've been arranging to spend time working with the analysts. I was suppose to be doing this last week but I had to cancel BECAUSE HE IS OFF SICK..
Last week, I was feeling a bit rough and we had another round of the Lurgy at home, I still came in. The new bloke said to me "when I was in the colour team, if you go sick there's another 20 odd engineers to carry on. But here onsite there's only the 3 of us so 2 people have to make up the work" and, because we are onsite 7 to 7, we have to cover that persons hours aswell. BUT HE STILL WENT SICK..
This week Cap'n Bob is on holiday, I have to work 12hrs and the only extra support I can get is an apprentice who isn't trained on most of the kit and who can't get around the building, BECAUSE HE IS OFF SICK..
But the worst thing about this is that the new bloke, (he's off sick, did I mention it?)a grown man in his late 30's, married with 2 children, has to get his wife to phone in for him. Ah bless.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Who's the Daddy?
I am according to the baby, who has just started saying Dadaaa and bubaaaa. Hoorah!
(insert american style whooping noises here)

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Hong Kong Phooey
my 6yr old son, Big'un, started kung fu lessons on tuesday. He did really well and is keen to keep going, so much so that he is going again tonight and I've had to cancel my return to college to resume my I.T course (more on this later, maybe)
I chose Wing Chun Kung Fu for him to learn as this was the last style that I studied. Wing Chun consists of powerful short range techniques, mainly straight punches and no high flashy kicks. From a self defence perspective if your in a crowded pub / club and a bit of a fracas occurs, then wing Chun is what you want to know.
I decided to ask big'un if he wanted to go after a very good advert in the local paper from this school. The instructor is very good and the Kids classes are based as much on personal developement, social skills and leadership skills as they are on Kung Fu.
Big'un is now convinced he is on the way to becoming a power ranger.
More details on Kung fu and the styles I have studied are on my webpage here.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Homing Frogs
The mice are no more, and the holes from where they were infiltrating my house have been sealed with expanding foam filler (the bodgers friend). But now I'm being invaded by by killer ninja homing frogs.
When we moved into this house almost 3 yrs ago there was a large pond in the garden, which having 2 young children at the time, had to go. All the frogs that I found were relocated to the lake in the nearby park. But they keep coming back, it's like Stephen king's Pet Sematary.
Whilst putting the bike in the garage recently I noticed a large squidgy lump in the access road out the back, I assumed it was the normal dog egg but as I got closer I realised it was a squashed frog. I then saw two more unsquashed frogs, one of which was blocking access to my garage and I had to wait for it to hop off before putiing the bike in.
Two days later I found one in the garden and another squashed one out the back.
I re-relocated it to the park, and took a different route back with lots of doubling back so it couldn't follow my scent.
I wonder if Robert Dyas sell frog traps?