Why can't people just admit it when they've made a mistake.....

... instead of arguing the toss or coming up with some lame excuse.

Wednesday night on returning to my trusty steed I found that the entrance / exit to the bike parking area was blocked by a big BMW1150GS (which is a pretty big bike) equipped with a full set of panniers, it couldn't have taken up more room if it tried. At five o clock the bike park is still pretty solid and, due to the inconsiderate parking of some people, sometimes difficult to get out of.
As I walked to my bike thinking "what kind of twat parks like that?" I spotted a bloke walking towards me, tall square jawed with designer stubble and exactly that kind of twat look about him. When he reached the BMW I said
"are you going mate?"
"yeah"
"Ok, great, it just that you have blocked the entrance" he had a quick look around and said
"oh yeah? How do you determine that?"
" because that's where the pavement is lowered"
"what about over there" he said pointing at a space between bikes.
"that's just where someone has left" I replied getting a bit tetchy now
"and this is where the pavement is lowered, look"
he made a sort of hurumph noise and continued to sort himself out before riding off.
What would have so difficult in saying "oh sorry I've never parked here before and I didn't realise"
The last time this happened a bloke (on a scooter, spit) pulled up and parked in the entrance as I was unlocking my bike, when I pointed out the error of his ways he had a big rant at me and started blaming me for his bad day, saying that I was exaggerating about him "completely blocking the entrance" even though it was clear that an underweight piece of string would have had trouble getting out.
Both these blokes are typical of the overpaid chinless wonders who populate Canary Wharf who don't usually have two atoms of common sense to rub together.

It's a bit Mickey Mouse.

Disney's Magic Kingdom.

You may be tempted to hum the Addams Family theme when looking at this photo. Don't.

The boy at the front, in blue, is not one of ours.

So off we went to Florida with our friends G and D and their 3 boys. 4 adults, six kids (all boys). Chaos was inevitable.

This holiday has been planned for over a year and for the last 6 months or so D has been planning our itinery which we were happy to let her do as it saved us the bother. Now, in retrospect, we have realised that she is a bit of a control freak and it was more about her having control than it was about anything else. Anyway with the help of D's itinery there follows a brief summary of the holiday. The planning was done with the aid of the Brit's guide to Orlando which I can't recommend highly enough, if you're going to florida this book is a must.

Fri 31st March - Travelling.

We flew with British Airways, we were able to check in online before going ( I imagine that other airlines offer this aswell) this saved the usual queuing and arguing over seats palaver at the airport and comes highly recommended. The flight was fine, getting through Orlando airport was a bit of a trial though. It took 3 hours after we landed to actually get on our way, most of this was down to the car hire (most which was all pre-booked) but it takes a long time to get through security, passport control, collecting luggage and then handing it back again, collecting it once more, finger print scanning, anal probes, customs blah blah blah. after a long day we arrived at the villa.

Saturday - Disney's Animal Kingdom.

This was one of the places I was looking forward to as it was being built the last time I was in Florida (on honeymoon). Myself, Big'un, G and his eldest boy R did the new roller coaster, expedition everest. This was big'uns first proper roller coaster. He looked absolutely terrified all the way through. When we got off R started saying how excellent and cool the ride was so big'un started giving it the big one "yeah that was way cool, can we do it again, this is my favourite place". He didn't do any other coasters in the whole two weeks!

Sunday- Epcot.

As Big'un's pokemon obsession is still going strong when we told him that the Epcot centre world showcase had a Japan section he immediately said "will they sell Pokemon?" " I doubt it" I replied "it'll sell souveneirs and clothes and stuff like that" anyway you guessed it, the shop had a few bits of traditional Japanese stuff and the worlds supply of Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Power Rangers etc.

Mon- Blizzard beach water park and Disney MGM studios.

I love water parks and MGM is really good but we didn't spend a enough time in either.

Tues- We did an airboat ride.

Airboats are those flat things with a gi-normous fan on the back that you see on the telly hurtling around the eveglades in a very exciting fashion. The actual experience was somewhat underwhelming as we spent most of the time barely moving looking for 'gators (we didn't see any). I wouldn't recommend it.

In the afternoon we went to Seaworld. Seaworld now has a big fuck off roller coaster called Kraken. G and R and myself went off to do it but R was knocked back because he was a gnat's cock shorter that the height restriction. Ten minutes later, after a couple of park maps had been neatly folded and put into his shoes, we were in the queue. We got the front row, oh my god!

Wed - Kennedy space centre.

Me, Big'un, G and his two eldest boys went to Kennedy while the ladies and young'uns went shopping in Downtown Disney marketplace. Kennedy was good but the tour we did was a bit wasted on the boys.

Thurs - Universal Islands of Adventure.

Another park that was new to me and boy was it good. We started off with a character breakfast where we met Spiderman, Cat in the hat and thing 1 and thing 2. As Spiderman appeared at the side of Big'un he burst into tears, we thought spiderman had scared him a bit by sneaking up but it turned out Big'un had forgotten his autograph book and was upset that he wouldn't get Spidermans. We managed to calm him by suggesting that Spiderman signed a park map . The Suess Landing area was fantastic, constructed exactly like in Dr Seuss books. The Lost Continent island was incredible, with huge sculptures and architechure. We did a "ride" called "Poseidons Fury" which featured lots of noise and huge projections on to water, it was very loud, very scary, very wet, it was fantastic. It also scared the shite out of most of the kids.

For me the best part was Marvel super Hero island. I was in nerd heaven. We met characters from the X-men, Captain america, we did the spiderman 3d ride, they had a comic shop. I touched my inner nerd, and he was warm.

Fri - Universal studios.

Universal use the the timescales as London Underground / British Rail for calculating their queue times which are roughly one and a half times longer than stated.

Sat- Magic kingdom.

Summed up in one word. Packed. Absolutely-feckin-rammed. The biggest disappointment of the holiday for Wifey was that she didn't get to do the Small World ride. We did get Mickey Mouse's autograph though.

Sun- Shopping

We went went shopping while the others went to Discovery cove to Swim with dolphins.

Mon - Typhoon Lagoon and return to Universal.

Typhoon Lagoon is the other Disney water park which is themed like a desert island.

Tue- Left the villa to spend 3 nights in Clearwater Beach on th Florida's Gulf Coast visiting busch Gardens on the way.

At Busch Gardens I did the Shiekra coaster which features a 200ft vertical drop, which they hang you over and pause before letting you plummet towards certain death. Once again we had the front row, this was truly scary.

The idea of going to the beach for a few days was not ours, we are not beach people, in fact I can't imagine anything more boring than just lying on a beach while the sun damages your skin.

Anyway we just went with the flow and although it seemed a nice idea on paper the reality was a bit different. Clearwater Beach itself was a bit dissapointing and the Hotel was rank. The rooms smelt of B.O which came from the air con and the place itself was grotty. Next door to the hotel was a bar which had a sign outside proudly proclaiming "live music from 2pm to 2am" and didn't we know it!

It wasn't bad enough to spoil the holiday but I certainly wouldn't do the " few days on the coast" thing again, why go to the most magical place on earth only to spend time around a pool or on the beach. If you're thinking of going to Florida and want a few days of "theme park relief" then plan them throughout the holiday rather than in one go at the end.

Sat 15th April - arrived home needing a holiday.

Back in Blighty.
Oh well, back to the old grindstone. The holiday was fantastic, the kids had a great time and so did the adults.
On the return flight Wifey and I were witnesses to a mild air rage incident where a steward was accused of being rude by a man who was shouting at him. The steward had pointed out to the mans wife that she should use the toilets at the rear of the plane and not the ones in business class. We had to fill in a report because the incident happened right in front of us and the man insisted that it was taken further. The steward wasn't rude to the lady at all and when he directed her to the correct toilets she said "oh sor-ry" in a very sarcastic and childish manner. The man was a great big fat pig with a very aggressive manner.
It's funny (not) how quite often people who are in the wrong become aggressive and threatening when trying to get what they want. You get loads of examples of this if you watch Airline on telly, which is a fly on the wall series about Easyjet airline. The one incident that sticks in my mind was when a "businessman" and his wife were refused to fly because for some reason that was entirely his fault ( I think it might have been that they had a pet that hadn't been quarantined). The "businessman"went on to blame the airline, shout at them, argue and generally make a right prat of himself on national TV but what did it for me was when the easyjet person pointed out that were they to let him fly, the plane could be refused to land and sent back and he would be liable for the cost of the fuel, about £10,000.Too which he replied in a very matter of fact way "I'll pay that, no problem, I'll pay for for the fuel" as if he expected Easyjet to change their minds and say "der, yeah, okay". Easyjet is a cheap bargain bucket no frills airline if this man honestly expected anyone to believe that he had 10 grand just lying around why the fuck wasn't he traveling first class on British Airways.

Riding the SV along the A13 this morning, just pootling along in the middle lane minding my own business when a nob in a Volvo moves into my lane, without looking, without indicating and without caring about the fact that there happens to be a bloke on a motorbike (me) occupying the space he was about to enter. I beeped him and accelerated a bit to get in front, he looked out of his side window and began sticking his fingers up and swearing ( it's amazing what you can lip read) with a look of pure hatred on his face. What a pillock, he was completly in the wrong.
As I rode past I shook my head and gave him the all powerful wanker sign at which point he beeped back at me and started to try and drive up behind me so I went between two cars and left him to stew in his own anger.

Anyway, full holiday review coming before the end of the week. Honest.