Terror on two wheels
As a motorcyclist I enjoy certain priviliges on the road that car drivers don't. I can filter though traffic, I can usually find a route through when the road is blocked, I have the ability to always get to the front at traffic lights and then get away in front of any one else (unless they have a faster bike). All of these things I do on a daily basis. What I don't do is go through red lights, ride on the pavement or wear Lycra. Cyclists do all of these things on a daily basis. The Nobhead who nearly ran me over this morning did all of these things at once.
While I was waiting at a pelican crossing Nobhead was approaching quite quickly, the lights changed and the green man appeared to tempt me out into the danger zone known as "the road". Nobhead didn't slow down, he just carried on coming towards me, relentless, like Arnold in The Terminator. I looked again at the green man to make sure, he appeared to beckon me saying "just step off the pavement, it's quite safe, the red light is on". In hindsight the green man was correct, as this lycra clad lunatic then did something quite unexpected. It was clear to me that Nobhead wasn't going to respect the highway code and was not going to stop at the red light, so there was no way I was going step out in front of him, Nobhead clearly thought I was stupid enough to do this and decided to go up the ramp onto the pavement right where I was standing.
As I jumped forward out of his way I had a horrible vision of him crashing into me and me becoming entangled in his lycra shorts and being taken to the london hospital to be surgically removed;
Doctor: "Nurse what's the situation with this patient?"
Nurse: "pedestrian trapped inside a cyclists lycra shorts"
Doctor: "What?, that's the third one this week!"
As he rode away I thought I would point put the error of his ways so I called his name "NOBHEAD" I shouted, but he didn't respond. He probably couldn't speak as he was being "strangled" by his own shorts.
Lycra, just say no.
Same shit, different day. Sometimes I get some different shit on the same day.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
sick Puppy: Episode II Return of the Sick.
When I got in on wednesday the new bloke was already here, so I gave a big cheer as I entered the printroom, he responded with a series of coughs and said "don't cheer too loudly (cough) I don't know how long (cough) I'll be here.
Oh fucking great.
He made it through to 3 o'clock before flaking out and pissing off. LaLa, the apprentice, was still here although he spent most of the day comparing mobiles with the fax engineer who is also based in the printroom.
Thursday, LaLa had gone back from whenst he came and the sickmeister was back to full strength but he still only made it to 3:30 so he has now been christened Buzz Lightweight as he bears an uncanny likeness to the space ranger from star command and saviour of the galaxy.
When I got in on wednesday the new bloke was already here, so I gave a big cheer as I entered the printroom, he responded with a series of coughs and said "don't cheer too loudly (cough) I don't know how long (cough) I'll be here.
Oh fucking great.
He made it through to 3 o'clock before flaking out and pissing off. LaLa, the apprentice, was still here although he spent most of the day comparing mobiles with the fax engineer who is also based in the printroom.
Thursday, LaLa had gone back from whenst he came and the sickmeister was back to full strength but he still only made it to 3:30 so he has now been christened Buzz Lightweight as he bears an uncanny likeness to the space ranger from star command and saviour of the galaxy.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Sick Puppy
I have not had any time off sick for about 3yrs, Cap'n Bob hasn't had more than about 2 days sick in 6yrs, the BCH hadn't been sick for at least 3yrs. Eight months ago the BCH moves on and in comes the new bloke, he is currently on his 3rd bout of sickness, he has been off for a week now. I AM NOT HAPPY.
I am trying to escape this hectic life of copier repair, to get off the tools and into I.T. I would like to still work for the same company but as a network support analyst, to help me do this I've been arranging to spend time working with the analysts. I was suppose to be doing this last week but I had to cancel BECAUSE HE IS OFF SICK..
Last week, I was feeling a bit rough and we had another round of the Lurgy at home, I still came in. The new bloke said to me "when I was in the colour team, if you go sick there's another 20 odd engineers to carry on. But here onsite there's only the 3 of us so 2 people have to make up the work" and, because we are onsite 7 to 7, we have to cover that persons hours aswell. BUT HE STILL WENT SICK..
This week Cap'n Bob is on holiday, I have to work 12hrs and the only extra support I can get is an apprentice who isn't trained on most of the kit and who can't get around the building, BECAUSE HE IS OFF SICK..
But the worst thing about this is that the new bloke, (he's off sick, did I mention it?)a grown man in his late 30's, married with 2 children, has to get his wife to phone in for him. Ah bless.
I have not had any time off sick for about 3yrs, Cap'n Bob hasn't had more than about 2 days sick in 6yrs, the BCH hadn't been sick for at least 3yrs. Eight months ago the BCH moves on and in comes the new bloke, he is currently on his 3rd bout of sickness, he has been off for a week now. I AM NOT HAPPY.
I am trying to escape this hectic life of copier repair, to get off the tools and into I.T. I would like to still work for the same company but as a network support analyst, to help me do this I've been arranging to spend time working with the analysts. I was suppose to be doing this last week but I had to cancel BECAUSE HE IS OFF SICK..
Last week, I was feeling a bit rough and we had another round of the Lurgy at home, I still came in. The new bloke said to me "when I was in the colour team, if you go sick there's another 20 odd engineers to carry on. But here onsite there's only the 3 of us so 2 people have to make up the work" and, because we are onsite 7 to 7, we have to cover that persons hours aswell. BUT HE STILL WENT SICK..
This week Cap'n Bob is on holiday, I have to work 12hrs and the only extra support I can get is an apprentice who isn't trained on most of the kit and who can't get around the building, BECAUSE HE IS OFF SICK..
But the worst thing about this is that the new bloke, (he's off sick, did I mention it?)a grown man in his late 30's, married with 2 children, has to get his wife to phone in for him. Ah bless.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Hong Kong Phooey
my 6yr old son, Big'un, started kung fu lessons on tuesday. He did really well and is keen to keep going, so much so that he is going again tonight and I've had to cancel my return to college to resume my I.T course (more on this later, maybe)
I chose Wing Chun Kung Fu for him to learn as this was the last style that I studied. Wing Chun consists of powerful short range techniques, mainly straight punches and no high flashy kicks. From a self defence perspective if your in a crowded pub / club and a bit of a fracas occurs, then wing Chun is what you want to know.
I decided to ask big'un if he wanted to go after a very good advert in the local paper from this school. The instructor is very good and the Kids classes are based as much on personal developement, social skills and leadership skills as they are on Kung Fu.
Big'un is now convinced he is on the way to becoming a power ranger.
More details on Kung fu and the styles I have studied are on my webpage here.
my 6yr old son, Big'un, started kung fu lessons on tuesday. He did really well and is keen to keep going, so much so that he is going again tonight and I've had to cancel my return to college to resume my I.T course (more on this later, maybe)
I chose Wing Chun Kung Fu for him to learn as this was the last style that I studied. Wing Chun consists of powerful short range techniques, mainly straight punches and no high flashy kicks. From a self defence perspective if your in a crowded pub / club and a bit of a fracas occurs, then wing Chun is what you want to know.
I decided to ask big'un if he wanted to go after a very good advert in the local paper from this school. The instructor is very good and the Kids classes are based as much on personal developement, social skills and leadership skills as they are on Kung Fu.
Big'un is now convinced he is on the way to becoming a power ranger.
More details on Kung fu and the styles I have studied are on my webpage here.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Homing Frogs
The mice are no more, and the holes from where they were infiltrating my house have been sealed with expanding foam filler (the bodgers friend). But now I'm being invaded by by killer ninja homing frogs.
When we moved into this house almost 3 yrs ago there was a large pond in the garden, which having 2 young children at the time, had to go. All the frogs that I found were relocated to the lake in the nearby park. But they keep coming back, it's like Stephen king's Pet Sematary.
Whilst putting the bike in the garage recently I noticed a large squidgy lump in the access road out the back, I assumed it was the normal dog egg but as I got closer I realised it was a squashed frog. I then saw two more unsquashed frogs, one of which was blocking access to my garage and I had to wait for it to hop off before putiing the bike in.
Two days later I found one in the garden and another squashed one out the back.
I re-relocated it to the park, and took a different route back with lots of doubling back so it couldn't follow my scent.
I wonder if Robert Dyas sell frog traps?
The mice are no more, and the holes from where they were infiltrating my house have been sealed with expanding foam filler (the bodgers friend). But now I'm being invaded by by killer ninja homing frogs.
When we moved into this house almost 3 yrs ago there was a large pond in the garden, which having 2 young children at the time, had to go. All the frogs that I found were relocated to the lake in the nearby park. But they keep coming back, it's like Stephen king's Pet Sematary.
Whilst putting the bike in the garage recently I noticed a large squidgy lump in the access road out the back, I assumed it was the normal dog egg but as I got closer I realised it was a squashed frog. I then saw two more unsquashed frogs, one of which was blocking access to my garage and I had to wait for it to hop off before putiing the bike in.
Two days later I found one in the garden and another squashed one out the back.
I re-relocated it to the park, and took a different route back with lots of doubling back so it couldn't follow my scent.
I wonder if Robert Dyas sell frog traps?
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Gone Phishing
Which web browser do you use? Gone over to Firefox have you, to be safer? Think again.
The Register has an article about the rise in trojan horse programs. highlights include;
Of the 13 vulns affecting IE in 2004, nine were classified as "high severity". Of the 21 vulnerabilities affecting the Mozilla browsers, Symantec classified 11 as "high severity". Firefox users enjoyed an easier ride with just seven affecting "high severity" vulns over the report period.
Symantec says there have been few attacks in the wild against Mozilla, Mozilla Firefox, Opera, or Safari, but the jury is still out on whether these browsers represent a more secure alternative to IE.
The article also comments on the rise in Phishing scams, this is where you get an email asking you to confirm your account details for internet banking etc, I get a lot of these pretending to be from ebay. The email will ask you to click a link, which takes you to a fake version of the website you think you are visiting, and then log in to reset your account, at which point they grab your password etc and steal all your money.
I would imagine that a lot of even fairly web savvy people get caught like this and it is obviously lucrative judging by this statement;
Symantec also noted a marked rise in email scams over second half of 2004. The firm's BrightMail anti-spam filters blocked an average of 33 million phishing emails a week in December 2004 compared to nine million a week in July 2004.
So get yerself a firewall and antivirus software, if you use broadband get a router/firewall, visit www.grc.com and use their "shields up" utility to find out how secure your pc is, and remember no proper company will ask you for passwords etc.
Be careful out there on the interweb because here be dragons, and thieving bastards.
Which web browser do you use? Gone over to Firefox have you, to be safer? Think again.
The Register has an article about the rise in trojan horse programs. highlights include;
Of the 13 vulns affecting IE in 2004, nine were classified as "high severity". Of the 21 vulnerabilities affecting the Mozilla browsers, Symantec classified 11 as "high severity". Firefox users enjoyed an easier ride with just seven affecting "high severity" vulns over the report period.
Symantec says there have been few attacks in the wild against Mozilla, Mozilla Firefox, Opera, or Safari, but the jury is still out on whether these browsers represent a more secure alternative to IE.
The article also comments on the rise in Phishing scams, this is where you get an email asking you to confirm your account details for internet banking etc, I get a lot of these pretending to be from ebay. The email will ask you to click a link, which takes you to a fake version of the website you think you are visiting, and then log in to reset your account, at which point they grab your password etc and steal all your money.
I would imagine that a lot of even fairly web savvy people get caught like this and it is obviously lucrative judging by this statement;
Symantec also noted a marked rise in email scams over second half of 2004. The firm's BrightMail anti-spam filters blocked an average of 33 million phishing emails a week in December 2004 compared to nine million a week in July 2004.
So get yerself a firewall and antivirus software, if you use broadband get a router/firewall, visit www.grc.com and use their "shields up" utility to find out how secure your pc is, and remember no proper company will ask you for passwords etc.
Be careful out there on the interweb because here be dragons, and thieving bastards.
Monday, March 14, 2005
This weekend was the firm's "christmas do". A bit later than normal this year and a bit poorly attended but wifey and I still enjoyed it.
My in laws had the kids (this was the first night we have spent without the baby, who was 6 months old yesterday incidentally) so it was nice to get a bit of peace and quiet and a break from Big'uns constant pokemon obsession.
The format was the usual, night in a hotel, posh meal (remembering eat before meal or send out for pizza afterwards), disco and breakfast. The only difference was this year we had a live band as well which would have been a good idea if it wasn't for the fact that they were shite. This band would not have made it to the second round of X-pop-factor-idol-academy-stars.
Highlights of the do were watching certain people dance (it appeared that they were listening to a different song to everyone else, probably had an i-pod) and when another engineer came over to me and said "this band are crap, I could do better than that singer" and about a minute later the singer asks for volunteers to sing backing on "Mustang Sally" so up jumps the engineer and sings the whole song for them! (he wasn't any worse).
They also have a raffle with prizes that range from small items like a hair dryer or a handheld TV , medium items like X-box / PS2 right up to the daddy prize which was a 26" LCD widescreen telly. Wifey and I have never won. anything. nada. not a sausage. They also have a small table prize so that someone on each table is guaranteed to get a prize. The raffle is done completely fairly but it seems that certain people win something every year and you always find that both people in a couple will win a separate prize, this happened twice this year. I'm not bitter and twisted, no, not at all. not bothered, look at my face Am I bothered?.
Anyway this year I won the table prize Yay! Hurrah! Woot Woot!, I felt like jumping up and running round the room, arms raised, singing the Rocky theme. It was a cheapo MP3 player but it was still a prize that I won. So there.
My in laws had the kids (this was the first night we have spent without the baby, who was 6 months old yesterday incidentally) so it was nice to get a bit of peace and quiet and a break from Big'uns constant pokemon obsession.
The format was the usual, night in a hotel, posh meal (remembering eat before meal or send out for pizza afterwards), disco and breakfast. The only difference was this year we had a live band as well which would have been a good idea if it wasn't for the fact that they were shite. This band would not have made it to the second round of X-pop-factor-idol-academy-stars.
Highlights of the do were watching certain people dance (it appeared that they were listening to a different song to everyone else, probably had an i-pod) and when another engineer came over to me and said "this band are crap, I could do better than that singer" and about a minute later the singer asks for volunteers to sing backing on "Mustang Sally" so up jumps the engineer and sings the whole song for them! (he wasn't any worse).
They also have a raffle with prizes that range from small items like a hair dryer or a handheld TV , medium items like X-box / PS2 right up to the daddy prize which was a 26" LCD widescreen telly. Wifey and I have never won. anything. nada. not a sausage. They also have a small table prize so that someone on each table is guaranteed to get a prize. The raffle is done completely fairly but it seems that certain people win something every year and you always find that both people in a couple will win a separate prize, this happened twice this year. I'm not bitter and twisted, no, not at all. not bothered, look at my face Am I bothered?.
Anyway this year I won the table prize Yay! Hurrah! Woot Woot!, I felt like jumping up and running round the room, arms raised, singing the Rocky theme. It was a cheapo MP3 player but it was still a prize that I won. So there.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Weapons of mouse destruction
it appears I have been outwitted by the furry fiend. Sunday evening I investigated where the mouse might have been entering, I removed the plinth board from under the cupboards where Wifey saw the little bugger and lo and behold I found some evidence. There were droppings. So I moved the traps and rebaited them (using chocolate stolen from my children). I put the traps under the cupboard against the wall and back to back, replaced the plinth and laughed evily to myself.
Yesterday after work I removed the plinth and both traps had been moved and were closed, ohmygod! ohmygod! my pulse was racing as I carefully lifted out the first trap. I had my plan in place, out the front door, across the road, into the access road that goes behind the houses opposite, spin trap round 3 times (to disorientate mouse) open the trap and run.
The trap felt light and kind of empty, quickly holding door of the trap closed I was off, gazelle like, out the house into the street.
The trap was empty, infact both traps were empty. Completely. The little fecker (or feckers) had gone into the trap, taken the bait, and got out again leaving only a few tiny mouse poos just to rub my nose in it.
So it's off to Robert Dyas for something a little more lethal.
Stop Press; as I'm typing I just had a phone call from Wifey saying that she can hear "stuff" from where the traps are and that I'd better get my arse down to the shop to get something to kill it .
it appears I have been outwitted by the furry fiend. Sunday evening I investigated where the mouse might have been entering, I removed the plinth board from under the cupboards where Wifey saw the little bugger and lo and behold I found some evidence. There were droppings. So I moved the traps and rebaited them (using chocolate stolen from my children). I put the traps under the cupboard against the wall and back to back, replaced the plinth and laughed evily to myself.
Yesterday after work I removed the plinth and both traps had been moved and were closed, ohmygod! ohmygod! my pulse was racing as I carefully lifted out the first trap. I had my plan in place, out the front door, across the road, into the access road that goes behind the houses opposite, spin trap round 3 times (to disorientate mouse) open the trap and run.
The trap felt light and kind of empty, quickly holding door of the trap closed I was off, gazelle like, out the house into the street.
The trap was empty, infact both traps were empty. Completely. The little fecker (or feckers) had gone into the trap, taken the bait, and got out again leaving only a few tiny mouse poos just to rub my nose in it.
So it's off to Robert Dyas for something a little more lethal.
Stop Press; as I'm typing I just had a phone call from Wifey saying that she can hear "stuff" from where the traps are and that I'd better get my arse down to the shop to get something to kill it .
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Thomaaaaaaaass!
I got a call from Wifey yesterday at 07:45, she was feeling faint, nervous, afraid and didn't want to be in the house. Yes she had seen a mouse. Apparently it was watching her from behind a box under the worktop in the kitchen, obviously with some malevelolent intention.
I did the decent thing and instead of sounding concerned and offering to come home from work immediately I took the piss.
So how to get rid of our guest? I had thought of getting Otis Ferry and his chums round. Now that Foxes are out of bounds they might appreciate somthing else to hunt. I'd imagine the request would go something like this;
ring ring
"hello, Otis Ferry celebrity hunt master and popstar's offspring How may I help you?"
"Otis, Mick here, we've got a mouse and I thought might like to come round and hunt it. It's in the kitchen"
"thanks for your kind offer Mick but since hunting has been banned we country folk now spend all our time inter-breeding and giving our servants extra flagellation"
"ok whatever, see ya later potata!"
So it was off to Robert Dyas in the Wharf for some traps. I bought some non-lethal mouse friendly traps. These involve luring the little fella into a box with some bait, the box then tilts up and the door closes and locks. You then release the mouse into the wild where it is free to get killed and eaten by a cat.
I got a call from Wifey yesterday at 07:45, she was feeling faint, nervous, afraid and didn't want to be in the house. Yes she had seen a mouse. Apparently it was watching her from behind a box under the worktop in the kitchen, obviously with some malevelolent intention.
I did the decent thing and instead of sounding concerned and offering to come home from work immediately I took the piss.
So how to get rid of our guest? I had thought of getting Otis Ferry and his chums round. Now that Foxes are out of bounds they might appreciate somthing else to hunt. I'd imagine the request would go something like this;
ring ring
"hello, Otis Ferry celebrity hunt master and popstar's offspring How may I help you?"
"Otis, Mick here, we've got a mouse and I thought might like to come round and hunt it. It's in the kitchen"
"thanks for your kind offer Mick but since hunting has been banned we country folk now spend all our time inter-breeding and giving our servants extra flagellation"
"ok whatever, see ya later potata!"
So it was off to Robert Dyas in the Wharf for some traps. I bought some non-lethal mouse friendly traps. These involve luring the little fella into a box with some bait, the box then tilts up and the door closes and locks. You then release the mouse into the wild where it is free to get killed and eaten by a cat.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Information super highway.
I 've done it. I've taken the plunge. I've signed up for broadband.
I actually signed up for it a few weeks ago with Tiscali as the provider but I realised afterwards that I wasn't getting the deal that I thought I was and I read a lot of bad press about Tiscali so I decided to cancel my order. I have now signed up with with Bulldog who have got a very good deal on at the moment for an unlimited 4meg connection. I should be up and running in about a week.
I 've done it. I've taken the plunge. I've signed up for broadband.
I actually signed up for it a few weeks ago with Tiscali as the provider but I realised afterwards that I wasn't getting the deal that I thought I was and I read a lot of bad press about Tiscali so I decided to cancel my order. I have now signed up with with Bulldog who have got a very good deal on at the moment for an unlimited 4meg connection. I should be up and running in about a week.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Monday, January 24, 2005
8 Days and counting.....
On Sunday 16th Jan we had the baby christened. We had a small gathering of family and friends in the church and then back to our place for tea and medals.
My Dad and Stepmum came. Yes them again, the most disinterested grandparents you could ever meet.
Just a quick recap: Dad;- 73, pisshead. Real mum died when I was 7 hence, Stepmum;- 52, fat, grumpy, wheelchair bound due to crippling MS.
So back at our house the great wheeled one regails anyone in earshot with stories of her daughters children, especially about how my Dad "had a grandaughter on each knee" oh what jolly times were had by all (actually I'm not sure how that works as She has 3 girls and I've never noticed Dad having an extra knee). She pauses occasionally to ask someone passing to stick some food in her gob, which she can't do herself, she then eats like a seal eating fish (insert honking noises here).
Anyway shortly before they leave Dad mutters something to me along the lines of "sorry I didn't time to get out and get anything or a card". Yes that's right my parents came to their grandson's christening, came back to our house, enjoyed our hospitality, ate the food and drink provided and then pissed off without even buying a fucking card that alone getting a present for their newest Grandchild. I typed that last bit really hard as it makes my blood boil just thinking about it.
As they leave Dad say's he'll write a cheque that we can stick in the baby's account and "pop round with it tomorrow", did he come?...
8 days and counting.
On Sunday 16th Jan we had the baby christened. We had a small gathering of family and friends in the church and then back to our place for tea and medals.
My Dad and Stepmum came. Yes them again, the most disinterested grandparents you could ever meet.
Just a quick recap: Dad;- 73, pisshead. Real mum died when I was 7 hence, Stepmum;- 52, fat, grumpy, wheelchair bound due to crippling MS.
So back at our house the great wheeled one regails anyone in earshot with stories of her daughters children, especially about how my Dad "had a grandaughter on each knee" oh what jolly times were had by all (actually I'm not sure how that works as She has 3 girls and I've never noticed Dad having an extra knee). She pauses occasionally to ask someone passing to stick some food in her gob, which she can't do herself, she then eats like a seal eating fish (insert honking noises here).
Anyway shortly before they leave Dad mutters something to me along the lines of "sorry I didn't time to get out and get anything or a card". Yes that's right my parents came to their grandson's christening, came back to our house, enjoyed our hospitality, ate the food and drink provided and then pissed off without even buying a fucking card that alone getting a present for their newest Grandchild. I typed that last bit really hard as it makes my blood boil just thinking about it.
As they leave Dad say's he'll write a cheque that we can stick in the baby's account and "pop round with it tomorrow", did he come?...
8 days and counting.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
world wide weirdo's
After reading an excellent post at watski's world about things that people searched for and found his site, for example 'bonjela applied to eye by mistake' I have signed up for a statcounter which should be able to tell me such interesting info.
After reading an excellent post at watski's world about things that people searched for and found his site, for example 'bonjela applied to eye by mistake' I have signed up for a statcounter which should be able to tell me such interesting info.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
On boxing day there was an earthquake offshore in Indonesia which caused a tsunami. This tidal wave caused much destruction and loss of life across Asia and is a terrible tragedy. This has been (and will be be for sometime) covered extensively by the media and I will not be dwelling on it other than to say that it's amazing how many people have trouble pronouncing tsunami.
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