"AArrgghh please don't drag me off by my ankles to your basement dungeon, torture me, bugger me and murder me horribly"......
... was the thought that went through my mind as I looked at his wild hair and mad staring eyes.

On Sunday I had decided that I was going to wash my bike and nothing was going to stop me, not children, not Wifey, not nothing. So at about 6 o'clock in the pitch dark there I was alone in the access road /alleyway that runs behind my garage, washing my bike. The only light came from my garage and a small light on the back of the garage to help me see when I get in late.
I was suddenly aware of a large man striding purposely up the alley towards me in the darkness, he walks past me and then stops dead in his tracks and half turns around to stare back down the alley.
I casually look at him and notice his remarkable resemblence to Oddbod from Carry on Screaming. It was at this point that I started to suspect that he was a serial killer.
Oddbod continued to stare down the alley for about a minute (which believe me is a long time when you're face to face with a (potential) unhinged killer) "you alright mate?" I enquired.
He lurched forwards towards me and in a voice like a deaf person* loudly said "3 kid, throw 'tones at my house" I was taken back by the suddenness of his outburst and also by his mad staring eyes.
"no one has come down here in the last 15 minutes" I said whilst thinking "AArrgghh please don't drag me off by my ankles to your basement dungeon, torture me, bugger me and murder me horribly".
Oddbod pointed at his head and then at his arm and said something along the lines of "last time, 'it my head" and then something about his brothers arm. "oh" "er" "that's not nice is it?, I'll keep my eyes open for anyone coming this way". By this time I was convinced I'd never see my wife and children again and that I would live out my years in a dingy cellar as Oddbod's sex bitch.
Oddbod said something about the Police not being interested and then turned round and marched off up the alley. I have to say that although he was in no way threatening I was actually a bit scared. What a wuss.
After narrowly escaping death and washing the bike, safely back indoors I remarked to Wifey "oh by the way I had a run in with a mass murderer out the back of the garage" "oh" she replied feining interest as as if I was talking nonsense "would you like a cup of tea?"




*footnote: If you've ever spoken with a deaf person you'll know what I mean, but what was strange was that he appeared to hear everything I said to him!