A child is born
at 06:30 on monday 13th the baby made an appearance.
A boy weighing in at 6lbs 14 and a half oz's. It was a fairly quick labour (7.5 hrs) and relatively painless (for me anyway) as wifey was whacked up on gas & air. Mother and baby are doing fine and "the baby" has no problems making his presence felt in the customary manner, screaming.
We got lots of congrats etc from family and friends except for, yes you guessed it, my parents.
Lots going on at the moment at work aswell as home and I'll be at home for the next 2 weeks on paternity leave.
Busy busy busy got to go.

D-Day + 3
no movement yet.
Wifey want's to get it over and done now. There are various things that you can do to start off labour so we did one of these things yesterday morning. Funnily enough it was the same thing that we did to get pregnant in the first place!

D-day plus 1 and counting
The baby was due yesterday, so far wifey has had nothing more than a few twinges in her lower back although she did say a couple of day's ago that her bump felt "lower". Currently I'm at defcon 4 and I shit myself everytime the phone rings.
Wifey is pretty fed up at the moment and feeling a bit low, she had had a massive rage at me on bank holiday monday which lasted 3 days, kicked off by the fact that I put on the dishwasher instead of the washing m/c (DOH! whatever was I thinking?). She is bored at home and having both boys all day for the school holiday while being heavily preggers was a strain.
Big'un has gone back to school now and is in year 1 which is th estart of "proper" school as reception year was more of a relaxed introduction.

D-day
our 3rd child is due today.
No movement yet.

Happy Birthday!
Big'un was 6 today!.
We took him, little'un and the beast-next-door to Gray's Beach which is a big sand filled play area with slides, climbing frames and a "splash" area. Gray's beach is a pretty good place, and it's free (a small charge is made for the splash area) all 3 boys had a great time.
Later on my bruv came over and we all went bowling (beast not included).
As per normal my parents let me down, dad brought my brother over, gave Big'un a card and mumbled something about not having time to get and buy a present. He doesn't work.
I haven't got the time or the inclination to rant about them at the moment but there is a prolonged rant brewing.

Let's get ready to rumble!
On wednesday I went to see a bloke I know in the cabling dept to "borrow" a cable, while I was there he said he was selling his wife's biker's outfit including a pretty good helmet all nearly new and hardly worn. I was interested in the lid but he said someone else had first refusal so that was that.
So yesterday the phone rings, I answer and hear raised voices, the cable guy comes on and says "Mick is that you?, when was it I showed you that crash helmet?" (more raised voices in background)
"wednesday" I reply.
The cable guy says " it was in perfect nick wasn't it, no marks or scratches?"
before I could answer I hear lots of shouting and swearing he asks the question again and I say "not that I saw" (more shouting etc)
"Mick can you come down and tell this cunt that........" Before I can answer the level of shouting and swearing goes up, the phone his end gets dropped and I can hear all shorts of swearing and scuffling and shouting. What should I do? should I go down and assist?, should I phone security? in the end I chose the only sensible option, I put him on speaker phone.

Yes we are all individual's.
In the bank where I am one of the resident engineers, the client has decreed that from next week we will have to wear uniforms.
This has been in the pipeline for a few weeks now and has caused a right old tear up. The printroom droids have now been told they don't have to wear it but the 3 of us, the messengers, the Ricoh engineer and the fax engineers do.
The idea is apparently so that people know who we are when we are strolling about the place in pursuit of excellence in the field of copier repair, hence the printroom droids don't have to wear it as the clients come to them.
Cap'n bob, as usual, doesn't have much of an opinion and just shrugs his shoulders a lot, I don't want to wear the uniform but at the end of the day the client wants it so wear it or leave the site!. The BCH on the other hand has started a one man crusade to get out of wearing it. E-mails have been flying fast and furious, there has been much cutting and pasting from the websites of people such as citizens advice and the HSE, his list of demands include lockers, changing and washing facilities.
So far he has managed to piss off just about everybody, he has undoubtedly made matters worse and has also managed to get us banned from changing out of our bike gear (BCH is a biker aswell) in the room we have used for the last 6 yrs!
Any way the "stylish" uniforms consist of a shirt with "corprate services in association with (company name)" and our company logo written on them, dark blue chinos and a fleece with the same writing.
I enjoy quite a good position here, I am well thought of by the client and get loads of overtime, so the uniform is not that big a deal for me. I don't want to wear it but they say I have to so that's that. The BCH has painted himself into a corner and is fully prepared to leave the site and go back to pounding the beat in the city again, which is looking quite likely at the moment.
This raises a another question, if the BCH goes who will replace him?

Let's get ready to rumble!
On wednesday I went to see a bloke I know in the cabling dept to "borrow" a cable, while I was there he said he was selling some bikers kit including a pretty good helmet all nearly new and hardly worn. I was interested in the lid but he said someone else had first refusal so that was that.
So yesterday the phone rings, I answer and hear raised voices, the cable guy comes on and says
"Mick is that you?, when was it I showed you that crash helmet?" (more raised voices in background)
"wednesday" I reply.
The cable guy says "it was in perfect nick wasn't it, no marks or scratches?"
before I could answer I hear lots of shouting and swearing, he asks the question again and I say
"not that I saw" (more shouting etc)
"Mick can you come down and tell this cunt that.........?"
Before I can answer the level of shouting and swearing goes up, the phone his end getsdropped and I can hear all shorts of swearing and scuffling and shouting. What should I do? should I go down and assist?, should I phone security? in the end I chose the only sensible option, I put him on speaker phone.

Home and away
The 1st week of the course went smoothly, there are 3 others on it all of whom are OK. The format of the course is standard fare for technical training; -
instructor gives over view of machine, students become drowsy,
instructor tells student to complete workbook or CBT, students sleep,
instructor tells students to carry out practical tasks as per workbook, students wake up and ignore the set task and proceed to strip the machine to component level and put it back together (with less screws).
In the evening we managed to eat and drink and hog the pool table for 1 1/2 hrs at a time, we also managed to get out and see Spiderman 2 which was excellent.
On my way home last friday (30/07) I was on the M4 just starting to overtake a lorry, when Mr Lorry driver (from this point on to be referred to as "the tosser") suddenly indicates and starts to move over at the same time. I had to brake hard ,the hired Fiat Punto I was in fortunately had reasonable brakes (which is about the only good thing I can say about it) the tosser saw me and moved back into his lane. As he was still indicating I waited just behind him for a minute, he didn't move again so I overtook him. As I went past, the fucking tosser had the nerve to stick his hand out and give me the all powerful wanker sign, which was a bit rich as his other hand was clamping his mobile to his ear!. Isn't funny how people like him are never in the wrong.
Anyhoo, saturday 31st, wifey and the boys went off to sunny clacton with her parents to stay in a caravan and I was home alone WooHoo!
Week 2 of the course was considerably slower and consisted mainly of loading software on the machines and the colour servers. We went bowling on tuesday and saw a preview screening of I, Robot on thursday. I, Robot was not bad, quite enjoyable but lacked the thrills and excitement of Spiderman 2.
So, back reality wifey and the boys are due back any time and I'm looking forward to seeing them, and back to real work on monday ho hum!

It's a hard life
As of Monday I'm off on a technical training course for 2 weeks. Which involves being given a hire car to drive there and back(there incidently is a mansion house in a little one horse village between Reading and Basingstoke), staying in the mansion from sunday night to friday morning, being plied with free food (mmmnn big brekkies every day ) use of the "executive center's" pool, jacuzzi, sauna etc and there may be some drinking involved.
Unfortunately the course also involves being bored rigid with technical details etc of a new colour copier / printer for 10 days

Film Review (this review may contain spoilers)
The w/e before last I managed to see HP and the Prisoner of Azkaban and after looking forward to this film for ages I have to say I was a little disappointed. That's not to say it was a bad film, it's not, it's very good I just thought it wasn't as good an adaptation as the other two films. Gary Oldman is, without doubt, one of my favorite actors. it's a shame that until the fifth book, his role is quite small.
I much preferred the darker look, this is in keeping with the more serious nature of the story. The new look of Hogwarts and surroundings is ok, the location of Hagrids hut is more convincing, the special effects are much better and the acting is good.
The main criticisms I have are that some key plot points were left out (they may address this inThe Goblet of Fire), the opening scene, at the Dursley's, felt very rushed, Harry's disappointment at not being able to go to Hogsmeade wasn't really conveyed nor was the suspiciousness of Crookshanks the cat and there was no explanation of who Messrs Moony, wormtail, padfoot and Prongs were or the fact that they became animagus, deliberately, in support of their friend Moony/Lupin. Also the book has a very uplifting ending which was not in the film at all.
Having just finished reading the book again it is very easy for me to make comparisons that I may have been able to make otherwise.
Overall,  I liked Prisoner of Azkaban and I would recommend it to any who has seen the the two previous films although I would say if you have never read Harry Potter you should make this a priority. It's not just for kid's you know!

PartIII
On Saturday my Dad left a message on the answer phone;
"hello, just me, just phoning to give you an update on what's happening with us. Give us a ring when you get a mo'"
2 things struck me about this 1, I didn't know anything was happening with them and 2, the complete lack of "phoning to see how you are , how the boys are, how wifey's pregnancy is going".
I phoned on Sunday to be told that my step mother (the wheeled Behemoth)has been up the hospital with a grotesquely swollen foot which, I found out after an epic story, is a DVT. They spent 5 hours in Oldchurch A&E ,after being sent there by the community nurse for a scan, alternately being told that she didn't / did need a scan. When the staff decided she should have a scan they were told it was too late and they should come back tomorrow (last Thursday). After the scan they were told it definitely is a DVT and my stepmum would have to be on wharferin for the rest of her life.
During the visit for the scan they were told by the nurse that the 2 previous clots she had (1996 and 2003, due to being in a wheelchair) were classed as "life threatening" and "near fatal" as the 2nd one had started to move. Neither my dad or stepmum had been told this before.
Now given that they were sent to hospital by a nurse who knows the history and who also phoned the hospital to say they were coming and the hospital had the notes detailing the previous clots, I think it is disgraceful that the scan clinic turned them away first and told them to go to A&E and then the Triage nurse assessed her as "low risk" hence the 5 hours in A&E with a potentially fatal DVT!
Now that the wheeled one is on Wharferin she is a lot less likely to have another clot.
I'm ashamed to say that when dad said "near fatal" the first thought in my head was that dad's life would be so much easier without her. I don't mean that I wish her dead because I don't, I'm not that kind of person. I just feel sorry for the way my dad's life has gone, my mother died when I was 7 (although for many years I thought I was 5 when she died) then when I was 12 dad married the wheeled one (although she fully functional at the time) Big Bruv and I have never really liked her, it's not a "you can't replace our mother" kind of thing it's just because she's not very likeable.
Anyway I never really feel comfortable talking about my real mum ( I might post more on this another time)so I'm out of here.

PartII
As it's been a few weeks since I made the post below the impetus for continuing a summary of my family has gone. All I will say now is that they are the least caring grandparents I have ever known, they show very little interest in our kids, they don't always buy them things for birthdayts etc (when they do, we have to tell them something specific and where they can buy it and the price!) but if you listen to them talking you'd think they are the best!. The immense generosity of my in-laws just serves to highlight the failings of my own family.
You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

"they're creepy and they're kooky". part I.
Due to it being Fathers day yesterday I had to go and visit my dysfunctional family (they took the fun out of dysfunctional) I took the boys with me but Wifey stayed at home to finish painting the kitchen ceiling (yes, even being 6 mths pregnant, she would rather get tired, painty and bored than visit my folks!)
My family;
Dad, in his 70's, had to give up smoking 60 a day in his 50's when he had a heart attack, took up drinking instead, he still "practises" drinking. Now spends his every waking moment looking after;-
Stepmother, in her 50's, fat, demanding, miserable, selfish. After Dad had his heart attack she "supported" him by going out all the time, critising, and generally letting him get on with wallowing in self pity and drink. Well what goes around comes around as they say and now the boot is well and truly on the other foot. She was struck down with multiple Sclerosis and now is wheelchair bound and unable to do anything for herself.

I'm not saying she shouldn't be miserable, if I was in her position I doubt if I'd be laughing and joking all the time, it's just that she makes my dad's life unnessacarily hard by critising him and telling him he's doing this and that wrong. He's been lifting her in and out of a wheelchair for about 13 yrs now, he knows what to do but he is not physically capable any more he is ,after all, an old man.
If this sounds a bit harsh, just try to remember, being disabled doesn't automatically make you a nice person.
Anyway, it's time to go home so I'll finish in partII soon.

Families deny Euro fans' violence
Here are some classic quotes from the BBC's website from the family's of some of the people arrested in Portugal.

"The mother of a 19-year-old archaeology and ancient history student arrested in Albufeira said he had tried to run away when trouble erupted outside a bar."

"They were sitting outside a pub, having a drink, and some trouble started a couple of tables away,"

"The mother of another Briton detained on Monday night said he was a "lovely lad".

"He must have been in the wrong place at the wrong time," she said. "I can't believe he would be a hooligan."

"A neighbour described him as a "most inoffensive young man" who did not have "an aggressive bone in his body".

and my favourite,
"really lovely lads" who had never given their parents, Michael and Mary, any trouble".

This is the funniest thing I've seen written by the BBC for years!!

I'm the King of the world
I typed "bloggocks" into google and this blog comes out on top. Fantastic!

slow news week
After reporting pretty much nothing but the weather all week, today's papers are concentrating on the serious mens health issue of testicular cancer. All the quality papers (actually the sun and the Star) have on the cover pictures of David Beckham in his pants, er, "checking himself". While I appreciate the seriousness of this issue I think this kind of "celebrity 'nad fondling" is unessacary.
I much preffered the pictures inside of Britney Spears in full riding tackle.
While on the subject of the papers, the Star excelled themselves this week. last w/e what happened? not much of importance,no, just a few trivial things like the D-Day anniversary, 3 women shot at a BBQ, Ronald Reagan dying and on monday the Star's front page was a big pic of Jennifer Ellison in her skimpies and the lead story "I romped with big brother tranny Nadia"

A grand day out
Wifey, the boys and I went to Legoland (or Legoland-Windsor as Big'un calls it so as not to get confused with any other Legolands there might be)on wednesday and we had really good time. We've been a few times before and the only thing that made this visit different was that I bumped into an old friend, Andy Trufflefuffle.
I knew trufflefuffle from when I used to go Diving and we used to go out drinking in a group, the 3 amigos and the other one (trufflefuffle was the other one). The 3 amigos consisted of myself,the W and Adam. We met Trufflefuffle through diving as I said and I knew Adam because he was the W's brother in law. I had been best friends with the W all through school, and this post is really about him.
All through our friendship I had played second fiddle to the W, he was full of chat, good with ladies (for an ugly ginger git, he had some gorgeous girlfriends), and popular. I was always just his mate. Throughout school and our late teens / early 20's we just had a laugh constantly, had some serious binges and did some pretty stupid things.
He settled done with a lovely girl (Adam's wife's sister), moved out to Grays and got engaged, but when I met someone things started to change. The W didn't like my girl and she didn't like him. She didn't like the way he treated me and he didn't like being told that.
Over the years he had done some pretty horrible things to me but I just turned a blind eye or shrugged it off, examples :- he seemed to make it his goal to shag anyone I was interested in and he did this at least 3 times, he bought a motorcrosser and insisted I get my own as we would have much more fun with one each as soon as I bought mine he sold his and 'cos the bikes were kept in his yard I had to sell it and, one of his favourites would be to offer around smokes to people in the pub who he was talking to but when he got to me he would say "you can smoke your own".
I split up with the girl and was struggling to cope with a mortagage on my own all he did to help was critise me for not going out as much. When I did go out I used to ride on a 125 to Grays from Barking (15 miles approx)to meet him in his local pub were he had a new group of friends, only to have him take the piss and put me down in front of them. Needless to say I soon got pretty tired off this and stopped going. If went out with any different friends the W would always make sarcastic comments about it almost as if he was jealous.
After a couple of wilderness years I was back on my feet and I met Wifey, she didn't like the W either and he didn't like her.
The W was dumped by his fiancee as she found out he had been having affairs. Typically of him he blamed anyone and everyone for this as it couldn't be his fault despite the fact that everyone in their local new it was going on and she literally was the last to know.
He then set up with his bit on the side, who was as dim as a 20 watt bulb and had all the get up and go of a tree stump but she was blond with big tits.
I got married, he was my best man. I saw less and less of him.
One night we went out for a drink (me driving to him, of course) afterwards I had a big go at him for being such a wanker, he claimed he was sorry and he would try to be a better friend etc etc. When I got home I told wifey and I said " you know what, he is jealous, jealous of me, jealous of you, our life, everything" and I realised that underneath this facade of personality and all his boasting about money and brashness he was just a sad attention seeker.
When Big' un was born he and the dimbo turned up at the hospital, he looked at the baby, sniffed and then went and sat in the corner and read a mag. Wifey hasn't seen him since ( nearly 6 yrs) and I only saw him a couple of more times.
Last year he phoned me up out of the blue, he'd found out I'd moved and got my new number from somemwhere. He was very friendly and chatty but still all he was really interested in was telling me what cars he'd had, how he'd bought and sold a house and made X amount of money and blah blah blah me me me.
The very next night he phoned me again and said the dimbo's gone out did I fancy going for a beer?, what this said to me was, that he was desperate for friends. I made some excuse about washing my hair or poking my eyes out with hot needles and said that I'd stop off at his yard on my way home from work the following week.
Wifey asked " are you going to see him? " I thought about it, about how long we were mates, about how many good times we had, about how much I had put into the friendship compared with how much I had got out of it and said "no, he's a cunt"

Here I am just getting ready for the off, when I suddenly realise that I was supposed to "decommission" (read - unplug) 2 copiers after 6. While I'm doing it I can hear someone outside the little copier room moaning and saying fuck this and fuck that. About 1/2 the floor is being relocated over the w/e and he is 1 of about 6 people left milling about. He comes flying into the copier room in time to see me folding the cables up on top of the 2nd machine "christ can't I even make a fucking copy?" "no" I reply helpfully, he waves his paper about, "there are more copiers round the otherside" I add he waves his arms about some more and walks out I make my excuses and leave (read - sneak out while he's still flapping). As I leave the floor he's still pacing up and down,waving his paper and failing to grasp the fact that there is another copier less than 10 yards away.Twat.
Now one of the printroom droids has just walked through and said "Mick, two of the colour printers have gone down" "oh really" I respond as sincerely as I could while thinking " just fuck off I'm going home"
Now I find myself still here after 7, not because I just had a quick look at the printers (I fobbed him off by saying I'll look at them tommorrow - the overtime fairy is good to me) but because I want to finish this fucking post!

Been doing so much lately at work and at home. So a summary of the last month or so:

April 12th- started the chimney removal, lots of work, the F-I-L did most of it (well it was his idea, and it was he who was pushing to get it done, and he's not even 70 yet!) Much to my surprise the house hasn't fallen down (yet) the F-I-L was getting a bit pissed off with me asking anyone and everyone about how to do and not just accepting the fact that he had removed 3 chimney breasts before. Anyway the job spiraled out of all proportion and we ended up pulling a ceiling down and replacing it and having over £900 of plastering done.Had to take another week off work, lucky I could.

work, work, work

May 3rd- Little 'uns 2nd birthday, went to the London Aquarium. Overall a good day out but the Aquarium is crap and really expensive, £30 for the 4 of us. I really enjoy aquariums and the like but having been to quite a few, IMO this one sucks. The sealife centres you get at places like Brighton and Southend etc are much much better than this. Don't go there.

May 7th - 22 week scan, got a good look at the baby, all the tests, weights and measures etc came out OK so that's a relief.

May 11th - Wifey's birthday, didn't fuck up as usual.

work, work, work

May 16th - Didn't go to Snetterton race track with the BCH to watch some of the people from the bikers mail group doing a track day. Instead took Wifey and the Boys to Godstone farm. Phew! had a luck escape there managing to get out of boring chore of going to watch loads of like-minded people racing and throwing their own bikes up the track!